Should I stay or should I go?

17th October 2019

It’s one of the first times I’ve been genuinely tempted to walk off a flight before we take off. As the shuttle bus jigs us along to the shabby looking Easyjet plane I get a message from one of my subjects. I see a story I’m missing. It’s one I’ve been searching for tirelessly for the last two weeks.
Will I miss this? Is the anxiety justified? Have I made a mistake?
Pigeon needs me
I think I also need home but the pit of my stomach is telling me to stay- finish this- don’t walk away.
I write this as I struggle to keep my sanity in the 50 cm squared space I am occupying for 5 and half hours. The plane is packed. Im in two minds. I need resolution – the FOMO is intense

Think logically – be strategic

When I first started the practice of ‘The Walks’ I would purchase a train ticket with eyes closed and wander the random destination with little expectation but a burning desire to discover a subject and a photograph or have an adventure. The frustration, boredom and exhaustion was often testing but I liked that – I didn’t want making pictures to be easy. I need to earn it and fight for it. I still feel that way. When an image is made with ease it seems unjust, unskillful and I question it. Saying that, sometimes the strife is punishing.With aching feet and weary eyes I often returned home empty handed.

Towards the ‘end’ of the Cracker project ( as I hope to return) I recall feeling secure in my expectations and I had established a boundary of possibilities. These two images remind me of moments those boundaries fell.

I met Jayden as I was waiting for Jake and Kaitlyn. Light was falling and his cheeky face captured me instantly. I explained the project, we hung out and shot for a while. He built a ramp with his friend and there was not a moment they surrendered to boredom. Every second was a search for an activity. I admire this imaginative and energetic nature children have .

At the Blast festival we organised an activity day for the kids and I spotted his face amongst the crowd. He seems to have a face that plants itself firmly in my memory. I wonder if Ill bump into him in 20 years and learn who this little boy will become.

For now I’m trying to let go and meditate ideas whilst staring out at the Disney pink fluffy clouds … OAO x